All major
political polls are showing the same thing about the upcoming
presidential election - it is an absolute tie. The latest results
from the AP / CNN / FOX / CBS / ABC / NBC / Zogby Poll are identical.
The nation is tied.
Fearing
another Supreme Court election, a massive search was undertaken
for an undecided voter. After the first 200 million calls the
quest for undecided voters seemed all but hopeless. But the
calls went on.
Finally,
an undecided voter has been found. He is Mr. Dave Mauney, an
Oriental resident.
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Mauney
at home watching TV and eating potato chips. Dave says
he likes daytime television, but avoids the news.
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The TownDock.net
NewsExtra Team visited Mauney recently at his home
in Oriental Plantation. It seems word of his being America's
only undecided voter has spread quickly - both campaigns have
been in regular contact with Mauney in recent days.
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Dave
shows off his Heinz Ketchup gift basket
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Dave says
he was pleased to receive a call from Teresa Heinz Kerry on Monday.
"We had a very nice chat. She asked what I was doing. I told
her I was watching TV and eating Pringles. The very next day I
received a fancy Heinz Ketchup gift basket. I like ketchup on
my Pringles."
But Dave
actually received two gift baskets that day. The other contained
several quarts of 10W-40 motor oil, with a note on White House
stationery. Shortly after the oil arrived the phone rang. It
was President Bush.
Dave says
that President Bush has modified his platform to include a "NO
TAXES FOR DAVE" program. Dave says he likes this plan.
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President
Bush calls Dave with his "NO TAXES FOR DAVE"
tax program. Dave thanks the President for the 10W-40 motor oil gift basket.
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Word spread
quickly about the Dave tax program. Within hours Democratic
Presidential candidate John Kerry had announced a new initiative
- the "DAVE DIVIDEND."
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Senator
Kerry explains how the "DAVE DIVIDEND" will
work.
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Concerned
Americans are asked to send Dave one dollar. Just put the dollar
in an envelope and send it to Dave in Oriental.
The Kerry campaign estimates Dave will receive well over 20
million dollars - all in one dollar bills.
Dave
says he likes this plan too.
On Thursday
the vice presidential candidates weighed in. Dave says he and
John Edwards are going to see some UNC basketball games together
this fall. "He has court side seats" Dave says, "and
he promises I can get nachos with extra cheese."
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Dave
points to the gutter drain installed by the Halliburton
crew.
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Vice President
Cheney doesn't have the North Carolina connections, but he quickly
cozied up to Dave.
On a Thursday
morning call Dave said "Dick, I'm having some problems
with my gutters." Dave says the Vice President replied
"with all you have to think about, you shouldn't have to
worry about that."
Within hours a Halliburton crew showed up and installed new
gutter drains. Dave says they were very nice to him, and also
filled up his car with gas before leaving.
Dave was
relieved to have the gutter problem fixed, as he now has time
to read important news and prepare for his decision.
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To
keep informed, Dave buys a newspaper every week at the
grocery store.
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Dave wouldn't give TownDock.net any clues as to which way he is
leaning. Dave says "I'm finding that by talking to the candidates
and their families every day I'm becoming a much better American."
Dave paused, admiring his newly landscaped gutter drain. He put
a bit more ketchup on a Pringle and stated "I just won't
know until I'm in the voting booth."
